60: Not So Fast Trump: Canada’s Terms for Integration

Becoming States 51 Through 65?

Note: We’re publishing sporadically the next couple of weeks…

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What if Canada should join the United States, but on favourable terms?

For weeks, the incoming Trump administration has played a new rhetorical game: taunting Canada with the suggestion it could become the 51st state. Trump himself has repeated this line, ostensibly as a form of intimidation in advance of trade negotiations but also as a way to normalize the notion of Canadian subordination. According to him, the Canadian Prime Minister is little more than a glorified Governor, reporting to the Oval Office.

While this rhetoric has been met with predictable Canadian politeness—and some eye-rolling—we at Metaviews believe it’s time to flip the script. If Canada were to entertain this idea, we’d need a deal with good terms. Not as supplicants. Not as the 51st state, but as co-equal partners fundamentally reshaping the union. Let’s spell it out.

Demand 1: Not One, but Fifteen New States

Canada refuses to be lumped into a single state. Instead, we insist on the creation of 15 new states, with full representation in the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives. Each would have its own Governor, two Senators, and proportionate Congressional seats.

Ten provinces, three territories, and two additional:

1. Ontario (Northern) – Because Thunder Bay is not Toronto.

2. The Pacific Islands – Including Vancouver Island, Haida Gwaii, and Salt Spring, distinct in culture and spirit.

This arrangement reflects Canada’s vast geographical and cultural diversity while maintaining the democratic principle of proportional representation.

Demand 2: Crown Land Becomes Native Land

Canada’s entry into the United States cannot come at the expense of Indigenous peoples. All Crown land—comprising nearly 90% of Canadian territory—must immediately be transferred to Indigenous stewardship. This move is non-negotiable and ensures that First Nations, Métis, and Inuit communities retain control over their land, culture, and governance.

If the U.S. wants to expand northward, it must also embrace the process of reconciliation and Indigenous sovereignty.

Demand 3: Universal Healthcare for All

This is simple. Canada is not giving up universal healthcare. Instead, we propose the U.S. adopt it. Call it "Medicare for All" or "MapleCare," but whatever you do, make it happen. If America wants Canada to join its ranks, it needs to meet our health standards, not the other way around.

Think of it as the price of admission—and a long-overdue upgrade for our southern neighbors.

Demand 4: Official Multilingualism

Canada has operated as a bilingual country for over half a century, and this principle must extend to the U.S. post-merger. English and French will be recognized as official languages, along with Spanish, which already reflects the reality of a linguistically diverse North America.

American governance must reflect the multicultural nature of the continent. This is not just a courtesy—it’s a necessity.

Demand 5: Abolish the Electoral College

Canada operates on a one-person, one-vote principle. The U.S. Electoral College? A relic of inequality. Its abolition is non-negotiable if Canada is to join the union. This would bring the American political system closer to the democratic ideals both countries profess to uphold.

Demand 6: A New Flag

The stars and stripes? Nice, but too 18th century. Integration calls for a reimagined North American flag that reflects the diversity of its peoples, cultures, and landscapes. Maple leaves, Indigenous symbols, and elements of U.S., Canadian, and Mexican heritage should be incorporated into this new emblem.

Demand 7: A Continental Rail Network

Canada and the U.S. are geographically massive. We propose a high-speed rail system connecting major North American cities, including key hubs in Mexico. This would reduce dependency on cars and planes, combat climate change, and create an accessible, sustainable transportation network.

Bonus Offer: A Confederation Alternative

Should these demands prove too onerous, we propose an alternative: U.S. states are welcome to join Canada’s Confederation. Vermont? Minnesota? Oregon? New York?

A Final Note on Resistance

To be clear, Canada is more than capable of resisting an invasion or hostile takeover. We know how to build blockades, sabotage trade, and rally global public opinion. But our terms are clear: if the Trump administration insists on framing Canada as a vassal state, we will respond with clarity and humor, but also with unshakable resolve and skullduggery.

Integration into a greater North American union, if it ever happens, must come on terms that respect equality, autonomy, and justice. Until then, we’re happy to keep trading hockey players, comedians, and maple syrup.